Why Everything Feels So Hard (and What That Actually Means for Your Recovery)
If you have ever said:
“Why is this so hard?”
“I could do this yesterday—why not today?”
“Why can’t I remember how to move?”
You are not alone.
If you’ve had a stroke and you’re in rehab, you’re not just rebuilding muscle—you’re relearning. And if there is anything we know about learning, it is that performance is often times unreliable and unpredictable. But, I have good news, if you understand the stages of motor learning, you are on your way to feeling less discouraged and more in control of your “process”.
So, let me be clear, post stroke recovery is NOT strength training. Post stroke recovery is retraining your brain (re-learning) motor skills.
And just like when you were learning as a child, the process is exactly the same. It happens in stages.
Whether it’s tying your shoe, using your hand, or learning to walk again—your brain goes through a natural process called motor learning.
It’s not about how strong you are.
It’s about how well your brain can figure out, adapt, and repeat a skill.
Let me walk you through the three stages.
Stage 1: Cognitive Stage – “I don’t know how to do this.”
This is the messy beginning.
You’re trying to move—but nothing feels right.
You might be:
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Overthinking every single step
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Tensing up or holding your breath
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Using too much effort for small movements
💡 This stage is about figuring it out.
Your brain is watching, listening, experimenting—trying to remember how to move this part of you again.
It’s slow, it’s frustrating, and it often feels like you’re not getting anywhere.
But you are.
This is where most people give up—not because they’re failing, but because they don’t know this is normal.
Stage 2: Associative Stage – “I kind of get it, but it’s not automatic.”
Now the movement is coming back.
But you still need to think about it.
You’ve got the idea of how to do the task, but it doesn’t always happen the same way twice. You might:
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Do it correctly once, then struggle the next time
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Notice improvements, but still feel unsure
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Catch yourself compensating without realizing it
This is the tweaking phase.
Your brain is adjusting, fine-tuning.
It’s learning from errors.
And that’s exactly what it’s supposed to do.
The best way to support your brain here?
✅ Keep practicing
✅ Add small variations
✅ Stay consistent—even if it feels shaky
Stage 3: Autonomous Stage – “I can do it without thinking.”
This is the sweet spot.
The skill starts to feel natural again.
You can focus on other things while doing it.
Your brain doesn’t have to micromanage every tiny detail.
But let me be real:
👉 Some people never reach this stage for every task.
👉 And that’s okay.
You don’t need perfection—you need function.
If it takes a little more attention or effort to use your hand or balance while walking, that’s not failure. That’s real life. Don’t give up! The process will often times be frustrating and you will have many moments where you think something should be “automatic” yet it isn’t. In these moments slow down, remind yourself how far you have come, and try again.
So… Why Does This Matter?
Because once you understand where you are, you can stop comparing yourself to where you think you should be.
And you can focus on what your brain needs right now.
🧠 In the cognitive stage → you need structure and repetition.
🔁 In the associative stage → you need variation and feedback.
🏁 In the autonomous stage → you need real-world practice.
That’s how you move forward.
Final Thought
You’re not doing it wrong.
You’re just in the middle of learning.
And learning is messy.
If it feels hard, frustrating, or slow—congratulations.
That means you’re doing it right.
So next time you want to give up, remind yourself:“My brain is learning. My body is trying. This moment matters.”
Keep showing up.
Even when it’s hard.
Especially when it’s hard.
Because that’s how real recovery happens.
